Writing
Why Are You Single: Let’s Do The Math
Published in: McSweeney's Internet Tendency
Date: September 29th, 2016
Read full article here.
I Hate To Be A Bitch, But Can Somebody Please Help Me Up?
Published in: Reductress
Date: May 19th, 2016
Read full article here.
A Youth Soccer Player’s Participation Award Acceptance Speech
Published in: McSweeney's Internet Tendency
Date: March 18th, 2016
Read full article here.
Cheese Plate Remains Untouched Amid Conversation of How Much Everyone Loves Cheese
Published in: Reductress
Date: February 15, 2016
Read full article here.
We Want To Make Your Feminist Action Thriller Screenplay Into A Blockbuster Hit!
Published in: The Rumpus: Funny Women
Date: January 5th, 2016
Read full article here.
I Lived It: I Couldn’t Open His Button-Fly in Time
Published in: Reductress
Date: January 4th, 2016
Read full article here.
I Lived It: My Mother Put Me in The Friend Zone
Published in: Reductress
Date: December 9th, 2015
Read full article here.
We Explicitly Asked These Moms Not to Tell Us What They Thought Was Sexy. Here’s What They Think Is Sexy.
Published in: Reductress
Date: December 4th, 2015
Read full article here.
Journaling Tips That Won’t Totally Embarrass You When It’s Published Posthumously
Published in: Reductress
Date: November 18th, 2015
Read full article here.
I’m Swearing Off Men Forever Or Until He Texts Back
Published in: Reductress
Date: November 10th, 2015
Read full article here
Sure, It Would Be Terrible, But Imagine The College Essay You Could Write
Published in: McSweeney's Internet Tendency
Date: November 6th, 2015
It’s not that I want to experience a closeness to death or a tragedy so life changing that one can only imagine the genius that might come from the written explorative reflection requested by the common application for undergraduate studies, I’m only making the point that it would likely write itself if I had.
Read full article here.
This Sommelier Recommends The Best Throwing Wine
Published in: Reductress
Date: October 19, 2015
A flat wine isn’t any less of a bold wine, and a full-bodied, opulent wine is the perfect way to boldly shower your opponent in a vivified metaphor of disgust. This Marcel-approved Red Alicante bottle has the big tannins to overwhelm the senses on that lying snitch’s face and leaves behind a velvety finish, ensuring that, upon drying off, the sensation of thrown wine lingers.
Read full article here.
Why I’m Dating My Electric Blanket
Published in: Reductress
Date: October 16, 2015
When you can’t cozy up to a man giving off natural (and free!) body heat, not only are you reminded that you have nobody in your life who loves you, but you also get significantly chillier. Talk about cold. Fortunately, I do not feel the frigid clutch of winter loneliness because I’ve made the leap and decided to start dating my electric blanket.
Read full article here.
Tampon Remains Unclaimed After Rolling in Subway Car for Four Hours
Published in: Reductress
Date: October 7th, 2015
Early this morning, a Kotex Super™ tampon freed itself from an unidentified F train passenger’s bag and remains unclaimed. According to transit police officers, no one wants it.
Read more here
Girl Engaged Hours After Ordering Whiskey Neat
Published in: Reductress
Date: September 30th, 2015
When asked to comment, Tucker declared, “I love whiskey. I just love, love the taste of whiskey, right guys?” she shouted to a crowd of attractive men who cheered in response. She shrugged happily as they showered her with diamond rings.
Read full article here
I’m Twenty Something Years Old! Send Help!
Published in: McSweeney's Internet Tendency
Date: September 25th, 2015
Yesterday was my twenty-first birthday, marking my first year as a twenty-something and my life is now impossible to navigate. I can’t comprehend existence the way I used to and I feel inexplicably drawn to the idea of a meal that combines breakfast and lunch, served with a mimosa.
Read full article here
My Tinder With Andre
Published in: Runt Of The Web
Date: August 24th, 2015
We went to the bar and ordered our drinks. Me, a gin & tonic. He, a locally brewed IPA he chose after discussing hop flavor and fermentation of all other selections with the bartender. He was thorough. I liked that.
Read full article here
Family Haunted By “Ghost,” Actually Middle Child
Published in: Runt Of The Web
Date: September 16th, 2015
Doug started noticing strange happenings in their suburban home around the same time his youngest daughter, Ella, received a new iPhone for her birthday, just like the one he bought his oldest daughter, Samantha, a couple weeks ago when she broke her old one. Sources say Kaitlyn was still using an LG flip phone.
Read the full article here
Who Cares About Actresses
Published in: Whocaresaboutactresses.tumblr.com
Date: December 31st, 2014 - July 21st, 2015
Various contributions for Elisabeth Subrin’s feminist film and pop-culture blog. Posts are as follows:
Who Cared About Actresses in 2014: FUNNY WOMEN
Robin Thede: Create Your Own Comedy
“Lean The Fuck Away From Me”-Jessica Williams
Cecily Strong at the White House: “Are you saying ‘boo’ or ‘true’?”
“America. I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I said men aren’t funny.”
Slut Shaming: An American Tradition
co-written with Molly Murphy
We Could All Use Another Good Bad-Woman
Dancing on Eggshells: Looking at Domestic Violence with a Humanized Abuser
Leacock’s City Guide
Published in: Leacock's
Date: August 2014
A Top 5 Guide to Everything Montreal, Quebec has to offer.
See the project here
Americans Get Off On Bizarre Punishments
Published in: VICE
Date: December 6th, 2012
Evidently, American judges are reviving the medieval principle of shame like they’re living in the extended universe of The Scarlet Letter. There’s even a judge who’s famous for this brand of “creative justice.” He goes by the name of Judge Michael Cicconetti. One of his greatest hits came from the time he sent a housewife into the woods for a night, during the winter, because she neglected a whole bunch of cats.
Full article here
There Are Many Ways To Die On Halloween
Published in: VICE
Date: October 30th, 2012
After an extensive amount of research that forced me to accumulate an incriminatingly morbid search history on my computer, I took it upon myself to compile all of the most bizarre Halloween fatalities this world has ever seen for you, reader.
Full article here
Advertisers Are Living In Your Brain
Published in: VICE
Date: October 15th, 2012
Brain-computer interface devices are essentially helmets that allow users to control computers with their thoughts. Last August, a group of researchers at the USENIX Security Symposium used this technology to extract security PINs from people’s minds using off-the-shelf BCI technology and published their findings.
Full article here
We Met A Real French Canadian Knight
Published in: VICE
Date: October 5th, 2012
This guy does not merely pretend that he’s a knight, he absolutely is one. Vincent was knighted by a bishop, wears custom made leather chaps, and dons a personalized helmet and sword. Most of you have probably never even met a bishop.
Full article here
Would You Strip Your Way Through School
Published in: VICE
Date: September 18th, 2012
With tuition rates consistently rising, a higher education can be a real bummer to pay for. When you add living expenses and the necessary booze budget to the mix, you usually end up with a slanted apartment kept together with steel wool and crazy glue while you ration those canned goods and ramen noodles your mom got you last summer at Costco. When those run out, it’s easy to consider a career in taking your clothes off for total strangers, at least they encourage you to keep going by throwing money.
Full Article here
Jennifer Anniston: Portrait of an American Artist
Published in: The Red Herring
Date: November 5th, 2011
Now few of you would call post-Brennifer Paniston a genius, a unique talent, an artist, a tasteful public figure, a role model, or a respectable actress, but everyone can relax and stop hassling me, because I am here to give that woman a good name.
Read all about it here
New Rez
Published in: The Red Herring
Date: June 9th, 2011
There are no fake or half-assed biddies. Unlike most stereotypical characters, a biddy simply is. And what a thing it is.
Full Article here